Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
