dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
