at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
