we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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