now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize