woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
