We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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