i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
