a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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