We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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