Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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