someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
