The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
