That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
