worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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