Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
