remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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