so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
