Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
