lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
