you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
