Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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