Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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