The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
