you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
