I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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