Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize