you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
