also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
