why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was like getting head from an anaconda
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
