I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
