Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
