Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
