I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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