yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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