Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Randomize
