he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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