toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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