So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
