Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
