I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
