I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
