Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
