Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
