You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
