I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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