Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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