I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize