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well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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