"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
