hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
