Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
