first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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