Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
