I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
