Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
