saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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