Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
