He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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