Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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