You smell like stripper and shame
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
