theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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