Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
