Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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