you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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