i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
