I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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