I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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