well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
