My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
handjob tips. give me some.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize